The Pipes Are Calling Me

            I bought my new house about one month ago, a huge achievement for a former apartment dweller ever since I moved out of my parent’s house. From what I understood, the previous owner abandoned the house and hasn’t been seen since. Because of this, I lucked into an incredible deal for a place already furnished. The house passed the home inspection, and everything seemed to be perfect. But a few days ago this all changed without warning.

During a shower, I noticed the water rose above my ankle. Stopping the water, I reached down into the drain and pulled up a clump of wet, gray hair. Great, I groaned to myself, just when I thought I escaped having to do any home projects. After work I scraped out what I could, dumped in some liquid plumber, and let the hot water run for fifteen minutes. When I came back, the water drained just like normal. With the job completed, I finished the night relaxing with a college basketball game on my flat screen with my orange cat on my lap and went to bed.

            Two days ago I jumped in the shower as usual to get ready for work. While washing my face I felt something brush against the side of my foot. Flailing around, I rapidly scrubbed the facewash off and expected to find an insect crawling around. Instead, unnaturally long strands of gray hair gracefully floated by my feet, moving like the feelers of an insect. I yelled and stumbled out of the shower, eyes stinging from the facewash, and took the shower curtain with me as I fell. Frustrated, I drained the water and started pulling the hair out, but the hair seemed abnormally long. I must’ve pulled roughly three feet of hair out that morning. The drain kept making noises like it was still struggling to empty the water in the pipes, so I accepted that I’d have to clean again later that night.

Now, I’m a pretty stubborn guy, so I’m don’t give up so easily when I think I can fix a problem. So, after work I went back to the bathtub and repeated the steps I did the day before and the drain operated as it should. Satisfied, I went to the kitchen and attempted to wash some dishes. About a third of the way in, I reached in the soapy water to pull out another glass when I felt something soft through my dishwashing gloves. Pulling it up, I found myself holding a literal ball of tangled gray hair that somehow found its way through the sink drain. After removing the dishes, I pulled all the disgusting hair out and put some cleaner in there, too. I felt sick to my stomach, so I wandered back to my couch and started to work on my laptop, the cat sleeping behind me on the couch.

While surfing the internet, I noticed an odd noise that didn’t fit in with the whirring of the laptop and soft purr of my cat.  I heard all of these odd gurgling and groaning sounds deep in the bowels of the house. I got up to listen closer to the noise. As I moved across the hardwood floor, I heard the sound creep along with the movements of my feet. I opened the basement door and snooped around, but I didn’t find anyone down there. As I passed the sink to go back to the couch, the drain gurgled and croaked like when the last of the water in a sink goes down the drain. Shaken, I decided to call it a night and go to bed.

Yesterday morning, I woke up and went to take a shower when I made my horrible discovery. The walls in my hallway had long red strands of hair running along side them and fastened in place. Every drain in the house now had red hair pouring out from the pipes. Trembling, I ran to my front door to escape, but the red hair sealed my escape route like a net so tight that I couldn’t budge the door. Every window had the thin strands of hair covering the locks and glass. I tried cutting the hair, but only ruined all of the pairs of scissors in my house.  I tried punching the window, but the strength of the hair kept me from landing a single punch on the glass. After these failed attempts, I discovered to my horror that the hair was still advancing around the house, having already enveloped my bedroom door in the short time I left it. I tried to use the phone, but the hair cut the power during the night, and my cell phone no longer had a charge. Banging on the windows and screaming for help was out of the question. I’ve never seen a soul pass by my place, and the mailbox is down the road. I tried looking for my cat, but couldn’t find her anywhere. Just before I gave up, I noticed tufts of orange fur littered the kitchen sink. I can’t imagine what happened to her, but I think I’m about to find out.

I’m in the basement now, it’s the only room left in the house that the hair hasn’t completely taken over. I retreated here when I couldn’t navigate the hallways anymore. There’s no food, and only a jug of water to sustain me. I got a little bit of sleep last night, but not much. Every time I close my eyes, the hair gradually extends its reach down here. The pipes continue to groan on the basement ceiling, letting me know it’s still searching for me. It’s odd, but I swear I think I’ve heard it chuckle a few times. It’s only a matter of time now before the hair claims me as its next victim. I’m like a fly trapped in a spider’s lair, with the web slowly cocooning around me. With these last few moments, I can only think of one thing, one regret out of this whole ordeal. I should’ve called a plumber.